trailblazingspirit | kaisou inbox.

March, check in with me please
Are you somewhere safe currently?

I’m safe! I’m at my friend’s place. If these guys decide they want to come here and mess with us, I’ll show them what pretty girls are really capable of.

... Thank goodness. I'm currently watching over someone because a friend asked me to, but things seem clear on this end so far.

I'll be sure to keep you updated. [She sighs deeply.] I'm pretty worried, but it helps to know you're safe.

Your friend's okay, too? It sounds like this spilled over onto everybody else a long time ago.

For now I'm safe. I'm still checking in on people, though, and I'm—really worried for them. [And March is a Nameless, she's not the type to be able to let something like this go. Especially if people she cares about are in the crossfire.]

I think so. He's been going around to help people who need it. I'll check on him again soon.

If you need help, let me know and I'll either be there or have one of my other friends head out that way to help. I don't know who the hell these Black Order people think they are, but I've already had it with them.

Okay! If I need any help I'll let you know. But you be careful. I'll just be here standing guard for now, but it might change.

[Dan Heng has a sneaking suspicion. He's once again been tricked into believing that someone he cares about went on a "fishing trip." This time, it's March. After what happened to Blade last year... he feels a chill in his blood. He sends a text to his best friend, hoping and praying against hope that it's not what he thinks it is.]

March?
Are you okay? Where are you?

[Please please please, he's not sure what he'd do if this happened again—]

[It takes hours before she feels well enough to respond. When she does, her voice is quiet.]

Dan Heng…?

I didn’t worry you, did I? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.

[Normally, harming one of her family would result in death. Persephone is not a merciful Goddess. She does not tolerate harm to those she loves. But she likes March, and it's clear that the girl was not in her right mind when she took Hermes' life.

But she told Hermes she would talk to her. This is not something they can ignore. ]

We need to speak, you and I.

[The last thing, the very last thing, that March wants to do is to talk about it.

What she wants is to bury herself in her blankets and hug her stuffed animals and never come out of her room. What she wants is to try and scrub the nonexistent blood from her hands until they're red and raw.

...but she can't do any of that, because that wouldn't be right. That wouldn't be fair. So:]

okay.

in person or over text bc i can do this in person but i dont
know
how to talk about it.

i killed someone you cared about, right?
im
sorry.

[This will not be an easy conversation, but Persephone doesn't mind being the one to do it. She can do this without getting too emotional about it, she feels. Though she's still angry about it, she understands the rage would be wrongly directed. That ship ruined many more lives and turned friend against friend.

But still. The conversation must be had. ]

You killed a member of my family. I am coming to you on behalf of them.

I am content either way. We can speak on here if it is easier.

[Oh. That makes it so much fucking worse.]

ok
ok

we can talk in person i think this is an in person talk anyway. if our positions were reversed id want to talk in person too.
i know its easier to talk over text but it wouldnt be right.
where do you want to meet?

[Sorry, March. This ain't gonna be an easy or fun time for you. ]

Agreed. This feels like an in-person conversation. I give you my word that I mean you no harm. I have no intention of attacking you. It is just a conversation.

[Because she IS the Queen of the Dead here and she feels some assurances won't go completely amiss. Angry as she is about what happened, she knows the fault does not lie at March's feet.]

How about neutral ground? Is there somewhere you feel safe to speak? We can meet there.

ok.

even if you did mean me harm id still show up anyway. i know what i did.

[Frankly, there's really nowhere she feels like she can hold a conversation like this. For any other type of talk she'd offer to bring them to her usual boba place, but that's...not really fitting, here. Still, she's not about to decline the offer of neutral ground, so after a moment spent googling, she returns with:]

blue fish park?

A brave sentiment, but one not needed. You do not need to fret about throwing your life away today.

[There's a thin line between bravery and recklessness, and Persephone doesn't want to see March on the wrong side of it. Perhaps someone else would be far less merciful than she.]

That is agreeable. I will meet you there.

[She will make her way over there, waiting by the lake, arms folded. ]

[March shows up ten minutes later, in a soft, pastel-blue hoodie and her hands tucked in its front pockets. She's clearly tired and still guilty, shoulders hunched up as she walks closer to Persephone like a woman doing her best to keep some dignity as she's marched up the steps to the gallows.]

...hi? [A pause.] They're okay, right? Hermes. They were—seeing things, like everyone else was, but I don't know if the things they saw were supposed to be private, or anything.

[She inclines her head in greeting. There's no smile, this isn't really a smiling sort of moment, but at least Persephone remains cordial, as promised. ]

Hello, March. They are... [ she hums softly ] unsettled. Frightened. They have never been much of a fighter in any of their lives. It's not... how they are.

[She grimaces at the mention of seeing things.]

They mentioned seeing the Furies. That would be an unpleasant experience for anyone, but no, they are not private... except in the case that it's rare a mortal would ever clap eyes on them.

...I assume you were seeing things, too?

They did mention that...

[And she used that against them. March shivers a little, hunching further into her hoodie.]

I was. I heard—two of my closest friends, the ones I left behind when I got here. [And the ship had seized on her memories of Himeko and Welt, knowing that she'd listen to them, knowing they were the people she missed the most. She'd never even questioned their presence.] Miss Himeko and Mr. Yang—they're some of the best people I know. I thought...oh, good, they're here, they can help. I can help.

[A sigh.]

And a part of that helping was—did they tell you about this gravity core in the ship? They were using it to travel across the stars, but it...there was something inside it. If you looked at it too closely—

[She cuts herself off, then wraps her arms around her torso and makes a quiet little noise.]

I—I was in the room. When it went off. Me and a bunch of others. It dragged us in, and I don't—I don't remember what I saw in it. I just know it made us all go insane.

[Persephone listens, impassive, arms still folded. Though she doesn't interrupt, she's clearly listening. ]

Hermes was in a state when I found them, they were a gibbering wreck. I could barely get much sense from them at all.

[Trauma does that to people, apparently! But as March explains, understanding blossoms.]

There might have been something about that in the nonsense, but I see now. Your mindset was altered by outside forces, that... makes more sense. [She gives a nod. ] Then the fault is not your own. You cannot be blamed for something beyond your control. That is... good to hear. I would have hated to have to kill you for this.

[That just makes her look even more miserable.]

...I know this probably sounds awful coming from me, but. Is there anything I can do to help? It's my fault anyway that they're in that state, I feel responsible.

[And guilty, deeply guilty.]

I would really like not to die, thanks. But. [She rubs at her forearms, lets out a breath.] Even if it wasn't entirely my fault, I still killed them. I mean, yeah, if I was in my right mind I would never have killed them or anyone else, it wasn't in my control, but—it's still on my hands. Y'know?

[She pushes a hand through her hair, pink strands falling out of the messy bun she put it up into.]

It's still my hands that did it. So—So what do I do with that? [With all this guilt, with all this horror.]

...Perhaps. I would give them some time to recover from their fear. They wished to have a reason as to why you attacked them, and well... now I have one. I am certain an apology from the source would be a lot better than second hand, however.

[Though how well Hermes would take that, she can only guess. She did warn them that they might not have an answer that would give them peace, and here they are.

The question gives her reason to pause. Persephone doesn't oft feel much regret. Her biggest regret had always been not helping Calliope when she needed it most- even if she had no idea, even if Calliope had hidden it from her to protect her. That would be a regret that would remain with her forever. But that... is not the same as this. ]

I wish I could tell you. I can only give advice. [ He heaves out a sigh. ] You have two options. You can let this grief consume you, eat away until there's nothing left of the person you are, wallow in misery and sadness and berate yourself until your time on this earth is done.

Or... you can let it shape you. You cannot be rid of it, it doesn't work like that. But you can learn from it. Grow from it. You now know what you are capable of, even if you were not in your right mind. You know how that can ripple out to others. Use that to shape the person you will become in the future. Perhaps a little sharper... but maybe a little more appreciative of how quickly things can be lost, also.

I can contact them in...two weeks, maybe? Or next month. I want to give them that reason myself, but I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.

[She's already caused them enough pain, after all. She won't be the reason they feel more.

She pauses for a moment, letting this sink in. The first option is not something she can countenance—which leaves the second option, hard as that is. Because Persephone's right, now she knows all too well what she's capable of if pushed hard enough, even if she wasn't sane at the time. She knows, too, how it affects others, how such loss rips into other people who loved them. So she nods.]

I can learn. I'm a very fast learner. And...next time something like this happens, I'll have learned from this, and I'll do better by everyone else. And I won't go near the big obvious trap, that too. [She fiddles with her sleeves.] I won't let this grief and horror be the end of me. I'll be better tomorrow than I was then.

...I have to be. I don't have a yesterday to lean on.

Edited 2024-11-08 07:50 (UTC)

I think that is wise. Give yourselves both time to heal a little, but not so long that it feels like the issue is being swept under the rug.

[Persephone listens, and nods her head. ]

Good. You cannot let it end you if you can help it, and if you do that, you will be stronger from it. [A smile crosses her lips. ] And to avoid the "big obvious trap", yes.

[ Ah, and that's a little concerning, but she does understand that only too well. ]

Sometimes, our yesterdays are taken away from us, and we can never get them back. It means we fight harder to have a tomorrow worth living for.

[If there's anyone Noah has been worried about the most in the aftermath of all this, it’s March. To have murdered someone is already hard enough to take- but to do so when you're not even yourself? He can't even imagine.

So March will get this text from him, concern easily apparent. There's no sense of awkwardness or discomfort on his end- he knows March wasn't herself when this happened. She would never hurt anyone.]

Miss March? ...I know asking if you're well is rather pointless in this situation, all things considered, but- have you been able to be around company the past few days at all?

[She almost doesn't respond.

How, exactly, do you apologize to someone for killing them in cold blood? She's not sure. She can't really tell Caleb or Dan Heng about this—some part of her is terrified they'll look at her differently. March looks at herself differently, really. But. Well. This had to happen sooner or later. So:]

dont worry about me.
im worried about you. are you ok?

Edited 2024-10-27 15:37 (UTC)

[The fact that she doesn't respond until a whole day later, and with a "don't worry about me" just makes Noah worry even more. March has always struck him as bright and open, especially in the memories he has of her.]

I'm doing better- I've been spending my time with friends and with Robin, mostly. We're recovering as best we can.

Still... you didn't answer my question. Have you seen any of your friends since we came back?

[He doesn't like pointing things out, but he truly is concerned about her. If there's anything he remembers vividly as Sunday, it was that he was always alone. He kept everything to himself, to the point of despair and desperation. Noah knows that the only way to heal from something like this is to let others help you through it.]

i live with caleb of course ive seen him. im ok really. im just

[The fact that her texting is like that is probably a dead giveaway to her real mood, huh? If he presses her she knows she'll break and tell him the truth, but. How can she put that on him when she's the one who killed him?]

you really dont have to be worried for me mr noah. i know i hurt you.
im
sorry.

[And that's inadequate, really, after what she did to him and to Faye, but what is she supposed to do here? How do you make amends after something like that?]

[She's not fooling anyone, not even him.]

...Miss March, please don't force me to actually talk to Caleb about my concern for you. He's the Trailblazer, right?

[Despite not talking with March very much, Noah can tell she's anything but okay. Her text isn't helping, and he really hates being a source of pressure in something like this. Shutting down and trying to not talk about it is only going to let the feelings fester over time, not get better.

But her "sorry" is something Noah's actually prepared for, in a way. He knows how she feels much more than she may realize.]

There's no need to apologize, I promise- I know that wasn't actually you. That ship was alive and brought out the worst in all of us. It wanted to drag us to hell. No one is at fault for what happened there.

[He can't hold anyone accountable save for the Event Horizon herself. This was not something anyone had any control over, they were simply left to the whims of something far more sentient than they ever thought.]

[Oh fuck no she cannot let anyone tell Caleb or Dan Heng just how badly she personally did while on that ship. Selfishly, she just doesn't want them to know that she was—capable, of hurting so many.]

ok ok ok. i can talk. we can talk. dont bring caleb into this pls.

i just
feel guilty and sad about how i kept seeing people i missed and i let the ship trick me over and over.
and even guiltier that i feel sad bc you and hermes werent even doing anything and i hurt you that bad.
does that make sense?

why are you so concerned anyway??

Edited 2024-10-31 12:29 (UTC)

I won't, you have my word. I won't involve Caleb.

[His heart breaks as she finally cracks, knowing all too well the want and need to be with someone you love so much. That you would tear the world down and everything else in order to see their dream realized and made real. That your own well-being mattered far less if it meant they would be happy at the end result.

Sunday meant well in his intentions, but he approached everything in the worst way possible.

There's something here that tugs at him, though, at her question. Why are you so concerned anyway? Noah can't quite put a finger on it, but there's this sense of wanting to make sure she's all right, that she should know she isn't the only one alone in this.]

I understand, and I don't blame you for feeling upset. I can't imagine being in a completely different place and unable to see the ones you care for.

Why am I so concerned? I'm...

I suppose the easiest way to explain it is that I understand, in a way. Missing people you care for greatly. And having to face this truth, this burden alone. Please, Miss March- whatever you do, don't carry this all by yourself.

...It was the only way I knew how to live for a very long time, as Sunday- and I ended up nearly drowning in despair and desperation because of it. [It was agony, being isolated and led to believe that there was no love from Xipe, no care for THEIR people or THEIR worlds. That anything he did would only lead to more tragedy.] I don't want that for anyone, especially someone I know. Your friends wouldn't want you to struggle through this on your own, so please let them help you.

[A Seal Knight always completes their mission, even if the mission is delivering a birthday cake to a girl.

So late one night, there'll be a knock on the door. Outside stands Shroud. Next to him, there's a floating box that's clear in the front, showing a birthday cake inside, decorated to March's aesthetic.

Open up Cryptid USPS is here]

[March takes a second to come out of her room, having been doing a birthday stream, so when she opens the door she's wearing the sort of outfit you'd expect to see on an idol. Or at a cosplay convention. A jaunty little birthday hat is balanced between her horns.]

Hi, yeah, sorry to keep you waiting—oh my god is that for me?!

[He clocks the outfit. Oh. that's a cute look. But first, focus on the mission]

Yes. Ragna commissioned me to make you a birthday cake, as an apology for disrupting the day itself.

Happy Birthday.

He doesn't have to apologize to me, it wasn't like he chose! Anyway, it's that dumb ghost's fault, and since that's taken care of, I'm okay.

[But her eyes brighten as she takes the box, careful with it as if she's transporting precious cargo.]

Aw, Jun. Thank you. I'll call Ragna to tell him thank you, too! Neither of you needed to, but it's really sweet.

I know, but that's how he felt. Regardless, you deserved a birthday treat anyway.

[He'll stand by as she takes the box, not letting go of the telekinetic hold until he's sure she's got a good hold of it]

I'm sure he'll like that. [No he won't] Varian did most of the baking, so I'm sure it'll be delicious.

Oh, and there should be a pack of candles in the box. Traditionally, you put some candles in the cake and light them. Then you make a wish and blow them out.

Don't tell anyone of your wish though, or it won't come true. Those are the birthday rules.

I'm not arguing with that, I do love birthday treats.

[A pause.]

Ah, I'll call Varian too! Maybe I'll ask him for the recipe, I wanna try baking a cake myself sometime. [She grins.] I know about that tradition, don't worry. I've had a few birthdays before, I'm not so young that I don't know all the traditions.

[Her smile does slip a little, some sadness flickering in her eyes. She shrugs.]

...I don't know if even birthday magic could make my wish come true. I tried with the skeleton, and it didn't really work.

I'm sure he'd like talking about that. He really likes baking. [Yeah, he's going to talk up his boyfriend. Let his boyfriend share his baking knowledge.

He pauses at March's sadness. He's not entirely sure what's going on, but he can guess. He knows March wants answers about her past. He'll reach over, giving a pat on the shoulder]

... Don't give up hope. Sometimes, the birthday wishes take awhile to come true. One of mine took a decade before it did.

I'm sure yours will one day too. Just keep at it.

Is he taking on apprentices in baking, then? I'd love to learn under him if this is the result.

[It's so pretty! She wants to bake so many cakes herself, for the people she loves.

At Shroud's reassurance, the sadness fades into something lighter.]

Yeah, you're right! The Garden's block can't hold it back forever. One day I'll find something out, and that'll be a really good birthday present. [Meanwhile the player stares down the barrel of upcoming Amphoreus updates and gulps.] Oh, what was your birthday wish that took a while to come true?

You'll have to ask him, but I'm sure he'd be open to the idea. Just... insist on repaying him somehow, if you would.

[Because he KNOWS how time consuming teaching someone to bake can be, and he KNOWS his boyfriend wouldn't think to ask for payment himself. He's not sure if March would pay in money or in boba, but anything was better than nothing.

He feels relieved when he sees March lightens up, since it means he said the right thing. He can't blame her for being upset about the loss of her memory but.... March is the kind of person just made you feel better if they were happy. Like the sun peeking out of the clouds]

That's the spirit. And when you do, make sure you get a treat for yourself - it's important to have a treat after you accomplish a mission.

[Whether it's to celebrate finding out who she is or to console the pain from finding out who she is, the post-mission treat was essential as far as Jun was concerned]

[And there's a definite pause when March asks that question. He knows the answer to the question, in fact the memory of that day sits clear in his mind. He'd just been a few months out of Krusnik- long enough to make him realize Abel had rescued him rather than kidnapped him, but not so long that he'd started seeing the older man as family just yet.

He remembered a hostess cupcake sitting in front of him, with a candle pushed into it. Abel had wanted to give Jun a normal birthday so badly- but his attempted to bake a cake had backfired (as it always did), and the only shops open at this time on Christmas Eve were gas stations. He remember Abel explaining the birthday wish to him cheerfully as he lit the candle, right before he yelped because he'd underestimated how fast matches burns and the flames had reached his finger.

And he remembered starting at the candle intently, incredulous if the tradition had any merit... but at the same time, it was worth a try, wasn't it? Abel had been so persistent to give Jun a chance to do this, there must be something to it.

... ]

Sorry, but I can't say. Birthday wishes are secrets, so it might stop coming true if I say it.

["I wish my siblings were here"]

Edited 2025-03-28 13:54 (UTC)

Hm? Ah, sure! Has he ever tried boba tea before? I know a pretty good place for it. [Please don't ask her to pay in money because half her sponsor money gets sunk into cute outfits.

Post-mission treats are very important! March knows this well, having been a part of the Astral Express since...about as far back as she can remember, really. She wonders if that's her mission now that she's here: to try and remember her past, and to live as well as she can here, in the meantime. The latter is a lot easier than the former, at any rate.]

Ice cream cupcakes. There's this super-fancy bakery that sells one that's topped with gold leaf—I'll have that as my treat, if ever I remember anything. [If.]

It's still coming true? That's great! Ah, what can I do to get some of that really good birthday luck to visit me? [She pouts so, so hard at him.]

Boba? I'm not sure he has. Might be a good experience for him. [It's not money but... oh well. It's something

He'll nod, making a note of that. ]

When you do. I'll even pay for them myself. [So there!!]

... I couldn't tell you, I don't know which god manages birthday wishes. [What a non-answer] I'll let you return to your evening.... Happy birthday, March.

kaisou inbox.

un: shadowsword; text over Gemini; after Cu's post

voice; un: photocutie

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Gemini Text | UN: lunae

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text; un: fourseasons, three days after Horror Central(TM)

one day later

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Action | Earlier in March

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