trailblazingspirit | kaisou inbox.

ok.

even if you did mean me harm id still show up anyway. i know what i did.

[Frankly, there's really nowhere she feels like she can hold a conversation like this. For any other type of talk she'd offer to bring them to her usual boba place, but that's...not really fitting, here. Still, she's not about to decline the offer of neutral ground, so after a moment spent googling, she returns with:]

blue fish park?

A brave sentiment, but one not needed. You do not need to fret about throwing your life away today.

[There's a thin line between bravery and recklessness, and Persephone doesn't want to see March on the wrong side of it. Perhaps someone else would be far less merciful than she.]

That is agreeable. I will meet you there.

[She will make her way over there, waiting by the lake, arms folded. ]

[March shows up ten minutes later, in a soft, pastel-blue hoodie and her hands tucked in its front pockets. She's clearly tired and still guilty, shoulders hunched up as she walks closer to Persephone like a woman doing her best to keep some dignity as she's marched up the steps to the gallows.]

...hi? [A pause.] They're okay, right? Hermes. They were—seeing things, like everyone else was, but I don't know if the things they saw were supposed to be private, or anything.

[She inclines her head in greeting. There's no smile, this isn't really a smiling sort of moment, but at least Persephone remains cordial, as promised. ]

Hello, March. They are... [ she hums softly ] unsettled. Frightened. They have never been much of a fighter in any of their lives. It's not... how they are.

[She grimaces at the mention of seeing things.]

They mentioned seeing the Furies. That would be an unpleasant experience for anyone, but no, they are not private... except in the case that it's rare a mortal would ever clap eyes on them.

...I assume you were seeing things, too?

They did mention that...

[And she used that against them. March shivers a little, hunching further into her hoodie.]

I was. I heard—two of my closest friends, the ones I left behind when I got here. [And the ship had seized on her memories of Himeko and Welt, knowing that she'd listen to them, knowing they were the people she missed the most. She'd never even questioned their presence.] Miss Himeko and Mr. Yang—they're some of the best people I know. I thought...oh, good, they're here, they can help. I can help.

[A sigh.]

And a part of that helping was—did they tell you about this gravity core in the ship? They were using it to travel across the stars, but it...there was something inside it. If you looked at it too closely—

[She cuts herself off, then wraps her arms around her torso and makes a quiet little noise.]

I—I was in the room. When it went off. Me and a bunch of others. It dragged us in, and I don't—I don't remember what I saw in it. I just know it made us all go insane.

[Persephone listens, impassive, arms still folded. Though she doesn't interrupt, she's clearly listening. ]

Hermes was in a state when I found them, they were a gibbering wreck. I could barely get much sense from them at all.

[Trauma does that to people, apparently! But as March explains, understanding blossoms.]

There might have been something about that in the nonsense, but I see now. Your mindset was altered by outside forces, that... makes more sense. [She gives a nod. ] Then the fault is not your own. You cannot be blamed for something beyond your control. That is... good to hear. I would have hated to have to kill you for this.

[That just makes her look even more miserable.]

...I know this probably sounds awful coming from me, but. Is there anything I can do to help? It's my fault anyway that they're in that state, I feel responsible.

[And guilty, deeply guilty.]

I would really like not to die, thanks. But. [She rubs at her forearms, lets out a breath.] Even if it wasn't entirely my fault, I still killed them. I mean, yeah, if I was in my right mind I would never have killed them or anyone else, it wasn't in my control, but—it's still on my hands. Y'know?

[She pushes a hand through her hair, pink strands falling out of the messy bun she put it up into.]

It's still my hands that did it. So—So what do I do with that? [With all this guilt, with all this horror.]

...Perhaps. I would give them some time to recover from their fear. They wished to have a reason as to why you attacked them, and well... now I have one. I am certain an apology from the source would be a lot better than second hand, however.

[Though how well Hermes would take that, she can only guess. She did warn them that they might not have an answer that would give them peace, and here they are.

The question gives her reason to pause. Persephone doesn't oft feel much regret. Her biggest regret had always been not helping Calliope when she needed it most- even if she had no idea, even if Calliope had hidden it from her to protect her. That would be a regret that would remain with her forever. But that... is not the same as this. ]

I wish I could tell you. I can only give advice. [ He heaves out a sigh. ] You have two options. You can let this grief consume you, eat away until there's nothing left of the person you are, wallow in misery and sadness and berate yourself until your time on this earth is done.

Or... you can let it shape you. You cannot be rid of it, it doesn't work like that. But you can learn from it. Grow from it. You now know what you are capable of, even if you were not in your right mind. You know how that can ripple out to others. Use that to shape the person you will become in the future. Perhaps a little sharper... but maybe a little more appreciative of how quickly things can be lost, also.

I can contact them in...two weeks, maybe? Or next month. I want to give them that reason myself, but I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.

[She's already caused them enough pain, after all. She won't be the reason they feel more.

She pauses for a moment, letting this sink in. The first option is not something she can countenance—which leaves the second option, hard as that is. Because Persephone's right, now she knows all too well what she's capable of if pushed hard enough, even if she wasn't sane at the time. She knows, too, how it affects others, how such loss rips into other people who loved them. So she nods.]

I can learn. I'm a very fast learner. And...next time something like this happens, I'll have learned from this, and I'll do better by everyone else. And I won't go near the big obvious trap, that too. [She fiddles with her sleeves.] I won't let this grief and horror be the end of me. I'll be better tomorrow than I was then.

...I have to be. I don't have a yesterday to lean on.

Edited 2024-11-08 07:50 (UTC)

I think that is wise. Give yourselves both time to heal a little, but not so long that it feels like the issue is being swept under the rug.

[Persephone listens, and nods her head. ]

Good. You cannot let it end you if you can help it, and if you do that, you will be stronger from it. [A smile crosses her lips. ] And to avoid the "big obvious trap", yes.

[ Ah, and that's a little concerning, but she does understand that only too well. ]

Sometimes, our yesterdays are taken away from us, and we can never get them back. It means we fight harder to have a tomorrow worth living for.

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